This time around, a bit of a
diversion from the usual course of things (me finding something I don't
like and shouting and swearing about it). No, this time, it's going to
be different. This time, you're going to find out why I do this. You're
going to get a look into my deranged, Gonzo brain. Say 'Thank you'.
When I'm writing these articles,
I have three goals. Even when I'm not happy with them, and that's most
of the time because I'm a ham-fisted bastard when I'm typing in a hurry
and never remember to spellcheck, I will still send it out if it meets
these goals. Truth, Legibility and Connection. Those are the ones.
Obviously, my definitions of the words won't be found in any
dictionaries, but do I give a toss? Hell, most dictionaries are crap. I
saw the Encarta world dictionary, on sale in England, and the fucking
thing was American. What kind of bloody use is that? They can sell to us
a book where they demonstrate just how much they have butchered our
language. Fucking morons. A dictionary that misses the u out of 'colour'.
Fucking hell. No, that's a rant for another time. I have to define these
words.
Truth: Truth is the goal. The be
all and end all of why I do this. Because I want to show you bastards
the Truth. Yes, it does deserve the bloody capital letter. The Truth is
everything that the human sheep on this planet don't believe. They live
in a nice little world that's surrounded by the nice layer of pink fog
that's been built up around them. And this nice foggy layer lets them do
things that seem perfectly normal to them make me want to scream. They
always seem to take the nice way out. If a guy is dragged into a police
station, drunk and fucked over on drugs, and is found to die (those of
you in Yorkshire will know what this refers to) while in police custody,
obviously the police should have done all that they could. Never mind
the fact that the bastard had been arrested for trying to kick
somebody's head in. Never mind the fact that he was fucked up on heroin.
Never mind the fact that he was so drunk he didn't know if it was
November or Tuesday. Never mind the fact that this violent, drugged up
lunatic had assaulted a police officer when resisting arrest. It was the
police's fault for arresting him. And I seem to be the only one that
doesn't see this nice layer of fog that screams "It was the pigs!!!"
Sure, I like the police as much as the nest man (hah), but even so, why
am I the only person that sees the other side? Sees the Truth in the
matter: That nomatter what people say, the cops had a violent, drugged
up lunatic on their hands, that later died in their custody. Why am I
the only person that sees that it was as much the fuckhead's fault as
that of the police? Because that is the Truth. Note that I ain't letting
the police off the hook. The moron in custody is equally guilty. There's
a diferrence. But the fuckhead's story has been heard, so why not the
other side? And though the Truth is everywhere, you bastards fail to see
it. None of you do. So I have to show it to you. I delve into life,
dragging forth the Truth, kicking and screaming, and thrust it in front
of your faces, screaming at you that this is how it is and it should not
be. And you have a good laugh and wait for the next one. That's the
sodding Truth for you.
Legibility: This is
where I most deviate from the dictionary. I'm not saying legibility to
mean well-spelled, with no errors to make it less readable. To me, the
legibility that I need in my articles is the simple ability for the
words to convey the message that I want them to. There's no point in me
digging for the Truth if you don't
realise
it when I show it to you. So when I yell and scream, I make sure that at
least the message gets across. Because if it doesn't, then what I'm
doing has no point to it. I want to feel that there is indeed a point, a
reason, so I have to get my message across. Nomatter the message, you
reading it have to understand what I am saying. And if the words I use
get in the way, I fuck off and rewrite the damn column. That way, at
least it will be legible.
Connection: Connection is the one
value I can't deliberately add to my articles. I can try for it, I can
try and make it as legible as possible, that it may be attained. But
connection is an ephemeral quantity. It has no mass, and yet means so
much, like the common idea of photons and the tenth-dimensional gods of
light that told me I am going to rule the Universe on Tuesday.
Obviously, this makes it kinda hard to define properly. But every time
you understand what I am saying, every time the Truth jumps up and bites
you on the arse and you understand why it does that, then I have
achieved connection. At some point in their lives, everyone has felt
like I do. That there must be more, that we're not being told the whole
story and that there must be the Truth out there somewhere. If I manage
to get you bastards to believe what I type, if you look at what I type
and say 'Yes, I understand where you're coming from on that', then I
have achieved connection.
Sometimes, I miss the mark. I
don't get all three. But as long as I have two out of the three, why
should I give a toss? I'm the one with his balls on the front line,
attacking the world, digging up the Truth and screaming it out loud for
the world to see if only they would shut the fuck up and take notice for
a change. If only they would stop living in their little self-contained
worlds and start questioning the world around them, I wouldn't have to
be the biting cynical, bastard that I am. But, perversely, I enjoy being
a bastard. So fuck you all. I hate this world, this web of lies that
stops me finding the Truth in things. And you love me for it. That's the
way it is. And if the average man on the street doesn't like it, I will
kick the top off his head and shit on his still living brain. And he
will love me for it.
Where am I going with
this? Simple. The Bastard's Manifesto. I was going to come up with a
snappy title, but there's no sodding point so fuck it. It is the
Bastard's Manifesto, because I am a bastard and it is my Manifesto. If
you have a problem with that, come over here and I will show you just
what I think to that problem. I am harder than
Buddah
and more loved than Santa Claus. I cannot die.
The Bastard's Manifesto.
1. The Truth is Everything
As it says, the Truth is
everything. Because if you don't have the Truth, then you have nothing.
And that's sigma-squared percent of fuck all use to anyone. You need the
Truth, you have to feel it within you before you can even start. Wiccans
say 'Know yourself', and this is the best that I can describe it. The
Truth is there, right in front of you. But if you, yes, you, don't know
your personal truths, instead of blinding yourself with the usual fog of
lies about what you are doing, then there's no fucking point. Once you
have your Truth, don't ever let it go. That is the one thing that
transcends everything to make you into a God, all powerful, all knowing
and devilishly sexy. Once you have that, never ever let it go. Ever.
With that fragment of the Truth, you can find it in the rest of the
world. If anyone argues with you, kneecap them. The fuckheads deserve
it.
2. Go to the Cause
In the words of Raymond Chandler
(I think), Cherchez la femme. He said that because whenever he was
reading or writing a book, there would always be a woman that was more
than she seemed. Hence, "Look for the woman'. In the same way, don't
just look for the Truth. Look for the cause of the Truth, and the cause
of the Lies. Try to understand why those lies have come about. If you
can do that then you will understand much more about what we are up
against.
3. Know your Enemy
The everyday man on the street is
our enemy. They are the ones producing this fog that keeps the human
sheep baa-ing gently and in line, keeping them docile. Every single one
is doing it for the rest of them. We could try to save them, but why the
fuck should we? We are the elite in this matter, why would we want J.
Random Moron joining up with us? We don't. Instead, we have to try and
understand them, know the lies that they spin so that we can cut through
them. Both the lies and the people.
4. If You Aren't Part of the
Solution, You're Part of the Problem
So please fuck off right now.
People that are part of the problem are the Enemy. We may try to
understand them, to see the lies that they spin, but we do this for the
right reason: Cutting through these lies. Without their lies, they will
go insane. Make sure you know you won't. All of those that are a part of
the problem will be rounded up and sent to Venus when the
tenth-dimensional gods of light descend and make me the ruler of the
Universe. Until then, see them as the problem that they are.
5. Do Something
You heard me. You can be a coffee
achiever. You could sit around all day watching 'Leave it to Beaver'.
But not now. Once the Truth bites home it's like a drug. There's an
addictive quality, and believe me it's strong. Once you have the Truth,
you need to find more. So get out there and do it! And if anyone gets in
your way, go tell them what they can bloody well do. We need to scream
at the world, get it to wake the hell up and smell the hot Espresso
being wafted under it's nose. The world will thank us in the long run,
but until then we will be frowned upon because we want to find the
Truth, not what they want us to believe, the little lies inside peoples
heads. So yell, scream and kick people hard to get them to see the
Truth. It's your duty.
There may be more later, but for
now this is the Manifesto. Read, learn and understand.
Stewart Wilson, the Digital Raven
The Batcave, 12 October 2001
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