EliteMeet 2003

Oh happy day. A long time ago, myself and Aaron (known to the forum as MFP) started planning a meet-up of all the English forumites. Deadlines came and went, some people could make the dates, others that we really wanted to see couldn't. Eventually, two of the other English forumites, not in any way as cool, sexy or funky as myself and Aaron started to organise a "neo-Britmeet", taking our idea and deciding that they were going to succeed where we so far hadn't. Fuck that for a lark. Jessica, Aaron's girlfriend, was having a party to celebrate her 18th birthday. Since Aaron was inviting some other people, we decided to get together there and hold our own meet-up: The EliteMeet.

The day of the meet rolled round, and armed with Bastardshirt, trenchcoat, fucking awesome facial hair and a disposable camera, I headed to Luton. Well, I say "headed", I mean "tried to get to". I say "tried to get to", I mean "wasted hours of my life in dull, drab train stations, thinking that killing everyone around me might be the only way I could keep my sanity in amongst the soul-crushing concrete jungle". This had the slight problem of making me late. Considering Aaron had planned to page me when my train got in, the lack of hearing "Paging a mister Fucktabulous Whoremaster on Platform 3" was rather a blow. But I got there, and met up with Aaron (about whom I need say little more than that he is the God-King), G (one of Nerd Club, Aaron's gaming group at Liverpool Uni) and Iain (another member of Nerd Club). We fucked off back to the park, and sat around talking and watching Iain smoking his strange dead rats that looked like no cigarettes I've ever seen before.

After a short while of this we met up with Jessica, loaded up the van and started off taking the needed equipment to our venue for the night. Of course, once we were there and had unloaded the equipment used for the band and the food, we realised that me and G were critically short on cash. When we're at the bar, this is a critical problem. So, we set off walking to go get money. On the way back we ended up riding the bikes (as shown on the pictures) in order to escape the damn velociraptors. It was enjoyably surreal.

Back at the party there were strange people, beer, and music. And talking, of course. The usual sort of thing. And food. Lots of food. Needless to say, Aaron and I were reinforcing each other's egos in such a way that it was only through our mercy that Luton is still standing. This is because we are great and everyone else is beneath us. There's not much to say about this part that the photos and the comments don't already. Needless to say, I got to see a proper fluh-CHING and thus my life is now complete. Later on, when we had retired from the site of the party back to the bunker where we'd be sleeping (an underground recording studio with carpet lined walls) the discussion got really weird. We decided we had to form a band. Not just any band. A reggae band. A white Rastafarian reggae band. A white Rastafarian reggae band that sang Black Sabbath and Megadeath covers. A Geordie white Rastafarian reggae Black Sabbath/Megadeath cover band. Called "Toys that should not be". Oh fuck yes. Also, random throwaway comments involving random PlayStation game titles such as "BattleRaper: HyperRealAction". No, I don't want to know what it really is. I don't want to hear anything about that. The name's a lot funnier without knowing anything about the actual game.

The day after, we scarfed some of the leftover food from the party for breakfast, dossed around and played with Jessica's snake. G and Iain took off back for Liverpool, after Iain had sickened us with his repertoire of truly sickening jokes, of course. We went for milkshakes as a way of wasting time before I had to catch the train back, and found some very weird toys being marketed to kids. Teletubbies, laying on their backs with legs akimbo and a small wheel on the back that makes the toy go "Oooh" and "Aaah". This really, really worries me. Sex-simulating toys for preschool children. And people think the strange creatures ain't evil. Of course, soon after I had to hop onto a train to leave. Bah. Soon enough our egos shall be recombined to create the most powerful force known to mankind.

Image Gallery

"Aaron, how do you manage to be so devilishly handsome?" Aaron and Jessica. Ain't they cute... G does his Metal Face.
"See, this is how you ride the bikes here!" "We have to get away from the velociraptors!" "Yeah, you two need to get eaten so I can get away."
Will the gay-looking man in the tie please stand up? Damn, but he's so very cool. Iain proves that GTA Vice City was based on reality.
Fluh-CHING! My Gods, you all look dead- Get off my brain! The Metal Handshake.
Aaron gives in and tries the lager and lime. Even video game characters have to scratch their balls. "I can't drink any more". And he meant it.
"You look very French in that beret, Aaron." This is the closest to Yaoi you're getting. We're meant to sleep like that?